Tuesday, June 1, 2010


I forgot my antidepressants at work today. Yeah, the test trial ones that I was told to absolute positively not forget to take. I came down, and I came down HARD. See, the thing is, they aren't just for fighting off depression... they're also antipsychotics.

A few years back, I had a terrible nervous breakdown (seeing things, screaming in public, nearly assaulting a mall cop, the whole works) and I've been on them ever since. It's not something I tell a lot of people. The episode that got me on them is what ended up making Kiera break up with me because "She just couldn't date someone who could snap that bad" or something.

So, it was when I took my lunch about halfway through the day that I realized I'd left my meds at home. Thing is, I live about thirty-five minutes from work. It'd take me well over an hour to get there and back. Half hour lunch. My manager's an asshat. I'm already on work probation for some bullshit reason. I have absolutely no way of getting my antidepressants. I think nothing of it. Thing is, I forgot the instructions of being part of the testing.

Basically says: "If you miss any scheduled uses, do not continue using this medication. Contact your doctor for further details." I learned once I got home that I'd ruin my results in the test by going off it for the day, and then going back on. However, they're now very interested in finding out the side effects of the meds. And I'm the oh so willing guinea pig :/ (But, hey, they're willing to pay me double the test income if I don't go on any other meds so they can collect their data. That's fun)

Anyways, at work, I ended up doing okay until the very last hour. My manager was getting all up in my face for talking to Amelia on her day off while I was working and she was shopping. I snapped, clenching and raising my fist, warning him that I could take him out any time I wanted to for getting between me and her. He threatened to have me fired. I raised my fist higher. Amelia ended up grabbing my wrist, telling me he wasn't worth it and asking what had gotten into me. I remembered my meds, told her and Mr. Manager. He let me off with a warning, telling me to not let it happen again (thing is, what I'm getting payed for staying off the medication is BETTER than my weekly paycheck). Amelia forgave me, and I finished work without further issues... other than startling a bit whenever the radio sent over garbled, distorted static (sounds eerily like Slender Man distortion, but it's really just picking up scrambled, colliding frequencies).

And now, after a hard day's work, here I am... sitting in my living room, listening to Ted and Simon talk while they make dinner (Lasagna. Love having a gay roomie that can cook), worried about what effects I could face after going off my medication. If it gets too bad, I can go on something else. I'll lose my test pay, but they will give me the meds for free until when the test would have ended, so that's a plus.

"Watch The City Burn" will be updated later tonight. Work again tomorrow. Hoping to have no further incidents. See ya'll there...

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