This one's for you...

Hey, anonymous grandpa asshole, standing there in your old man pants and perfectly ironed shirt, glasses covering your beady little eyes set in that overwrinkled face. I'm addressing you today, after what you did to me and my friend last night. Yeah, you know who we are.

Ted and I were the ones walking around the mall that evening. Ted was the one who was making gay advances on me, as he always does. I was the one who was playfully alternating between flirting back and shoving him away. You were the one who stopped us in the bookstore to ask us with self righteous indignation if we were homosexuals. Ted was the one who said that I wasn't, but he is. You were the one who told him he's a sinner who needed to repent or he'd burn in hell. I'm the one who shouted in your face and had to be dragged away by Ted.

Listen here. There is no God. There is not great, pious, ineffable being hanging out in the clouds, just waiting to send lightning bolts and hellfire after those who don't conform to your shitty little society. Our culture isn't falling away from some fictional pure times that you remember from when you were growing up. No, our culture is the one who's growing up, shaking off the bonds of a system that repressed it for so long. So why aren't you growing with it? Your mind is still trapped in the 50's. Tell ya what, grandpa. It's 2010. Open your goddamn mind and let a little bit of air in.

God is just a fiction that humanity, admittedly, needed to pull itself out of the muck of "the beginning" (which, by the way, God didn't cause because, hey!, he doesn't exist). We, as a race, are older now. We don't need our imaginary friend/judge to guide us along life's road. Science and philosophy have replaced Our Lord with simple facts of life. There is no God. There is no Heaven. They simply do not exist.

There is as much a God as there is a Slender Man. They are only "real" inside of our minds. You may as well worship the tall, faceless man in the business suit as the floating, bearded one dressed in white robes. They're equally worthy of your time... No, wait, scratch that. I'd rather worship Slender Man. At least he doesn't condemn people to an eternity of hell (just a short time with no internal organs, then you die).

So, you know what, back the hell off from Ted just because he's different. Keep your "God-breathed" morals to yourself. My friend isn't hurting anyone. You're hurting millions. So fuck off, grandpa. I've got a life to live.