Thursday, August 12, 2010

Lethargy

I haven't felt this way in a very long time... Right now, there's nothing more I want than to give up, fall over and die. I've felt the effects of depression before - the tiredness, the hopelessness - but I don't recall it ever being this bad. I feel like my body is decomposing around me, and all I want is to just lay here in this bed and let it.

I know what I need to do. I need to move. I need to find out what TheArsonist is up to. I need to go out to the woods. I need to stop that son of a bitch who killed everyone I ever held dear.

But, I can't. I'm just lying here, staring at the ceiling and wishing he'd come and just kill me so I can rest in oblivion. I'm wanting TheArsonist to just take over and guide me on a path to... destruction? Salvation? Just giving myself over to either one of them would be so easy. Eternal sleep...

It's been this way since I saw the recording of that bastard's face in the window. When I first saw him, I instinctively got angry, but once I fully took in what it meant to gaze upon his face, things changed. Knowing he's real, finally seeing him (even through the distant eyes of another's camera), is just... It did something to my mind. There's something about him that's so huge, so unknowable, that it twists your entire view of reality. Before him, we become nothing but formless clay to be shaped by the harsh hands of madness.

It's my belief that all of us try to find a way to integrate him into our lives. Most disregard him as fiction, a game to play with strangers. Those who experience him first hand either run, try to survive, or break, and descend into insanity. A few decide to fight, to destroy what they can't know. No one's succeeded.

Me... I feel like just shutting down and never waking up again.

10 comments:

  1. Don't.
    None of us would want him to win, and you know that.
    I'm sure you don't want SM to win either. It could me more horrible than you're looking forward to.

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  2. I agree with Cinderblock. General concensus is that he doesn't always kill you. If he's actually after you, he won't kill you, he only does that to people who stand in his way.
    The ones he's stalking are never found, for all we know he could take you to a place of eternal torment, and believe it or not that could be far worse than what you're going through now.

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  3. Never give up! Never surrender! Never forgive, never forget!

    Let's see what HIS insides look like for a change.

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  4. I want to fight, guys. I really do. But seeing him, knowing him... It's like it's sapped all of my will right out of me.

    Maybe if you're right and all I'm up for if he gets me is eternal torment, then I should just take matters into my own hands and stop that from ever happening. Death lies across my room in the closet, loaded and ready to go, but I don't even have the energy to go pick it up...

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  5. I'd save that for a last resort, Damien. It's better than what he'll do, but I'd say it'd be more satisfying if you did it at the last moment just before he gets you.
    I understand that you have no motivation at the moment, but you need to man up, quite honestly.

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  6. Try some more meditation. It might help your focus.

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  7. Remember what Zeke said: Make that fucker work for his food.
    Are you going to let him win after what happened to Amelia?

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  8. You're not going in the right direction, Damien. Maybe you need to re-evaluate your plans, period. It's not all black and white here, you have plenty of options...

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  9. I know this seems remarkably pessimistic of me, but...at this point, what do you seriously have to lose? Either get busy living or get busy dying, man!

    Kick ass, take names, chew bubblegum! The Slender Man killed your best friend. Killed your woman. Inadvertently killed your father, and ruined your mother's mind.

    In those ever immortal words: are you gunna fucking take that shit? You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain.

    Fuck his shit up, or die trying.

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  10. Perhaps a hypnotherapist could provide some guidance.

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